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Reflective Journal

Self-Reflection: Am I Ready For 2020?

Self-Reflection: Am I Ready for 2020? That’s the question we should all be asking ourselves. In today’s post, I will be sharing my Self-Reflection for 2019. With only 2 months left, I decided to share a Self-Reflection of the growth I have seen in myself in the last year. Let’s jump right into it.

Joys Of 2019

My aunt and husband visit the U.S.A – First time leaving Nigeria

I was so proud when I heard this news. My aunt and her husband helped raise me when I was younger in Nigeria and I lived with them for many years before moving to the U.K. I have and forever will consider them as my second parents. My cousins are my siblings to me, that’s how close I am to them.

Sasha-Ann turned 5 and started Primary School

My daughter turned 5, we had a party at my house. She had a great time with her friends from the Nursery. Later this year she starts Primary School. It was very emotional to see my little grow. I felt so proud.

Made it to HND in college – Dropped out

Yaass, Queen I finally made it. After 13 years of fails in Education, I finally made it to Higher National Diploma level. Unfortunately, life decided to throw lemons and I had to make lemonade. So I had to drop out. Find out why Here.

Celebrated Life at 29

The first birthday I have celebrated since my 15th birthday. A nice dinner with friends and had a house party before hitting the clubs. I had a great time. Read More.

Sonia Bakes Cakes

I created a bakery business, but I left it on hold because I didn’t have the resources and support to officially open. However, it is definitely a work in progress. I need to work on my confidence and get my finance sorted. Check out the website here. Yes, it needs more work.

Went on holiday to Nigeria -First time in 13 years

I spent my summer holidays in Lagos Nigeria. It was the best summer holiday ever!!! It was my first time 13 and it was Sasha’s first time ever visit Nigeria. I missed everything from the weather to the food to the people, especially my family members.

I got a dream job

Yes, I got my dream job! Working in an office environment. After years and years of rejects after rejects, discrimination after discrimination against my disability, and fights and fights. I didn’t give up. It finally happened. And I love it. I was heartbroken when I was forced to drop out of college earlier on, but I guess I made lemonade in the end.

Self-Reflection Q&A

What are you grateful for?

I am grateful that I gave myself a chance to live again. Growing up wasn’t easy at all. However, all that changed when I became a mother. I felt a big relief-finally a fresh start. Not gonna lie, it was tough at the beginning where I had to isolate myself from the world because I wanted things to go smoothly and was scared of having my chance being taken away from me by my surroundings.

For so many years, I have been told ‘Sonia, you can’t do this, you can’t do that’, ‘You are not good enough, you are ‘just beautiful’ Or ‘ Always do the right things, Sonia’. I felt trapped. So I decided not to listen to anyone, nor let them get in my head because I am a mother now and I want my child o to be proud to call me ‘mummy’.

What have been your biggest mistakes?

I don’t think I have made many mistakes this year. However, I feel the fact I did not take my Education serious over the years from 2006, seriously, that would be my biggest mistakes. I mean, I despite being a single mum, I made the decision to go back to college to give it a try again, and see what happened. I made it to HND level.

When I got my offer, I cried because this was something I have always worked hard for over the years. Due to my insecurities and lack of self-belief, and always worry about what others think about me. I wanted to celebrate the news so bad, but I knew I had to decline the offer because there was not enough support that I needed to succeed in the course. However, I bought my favourite Ice-Cream and I gave myself a pat on the back ‘Well done, Sonia’.

Are you comfortable in your own skin?

Oh yes, most definitely. You know what, sometimes you are comfortable in your own skin without even realising. I mean, in April this year, a very good friend of mine asked me to do a photoshoot for her graded exam at college. I was very excited about the offer but I had insecurities with my c-section scar. However, I was comfortable being around her as she was very encouraging and it made me forget about the way my body looked.

The photos came out beautiful, I decided to write a blog post called ‘The Perfect Body‘ using all the photos – which became one of my most popular posts. Sometimes you have to do something out of your comfort zone to be able to grow comfortable in your own skin. The fact that I made a post even put a video up on Youtube, and still got good comments from friends and family. I realised that I have been very hard on myself, instead of embracing the way I am.

IT IS WHEN YOU LOSE SIGHT OF YOURSELF,

THAT YOU LOSE YOUR WAY

What do you do for Fun?

Nobody may know this about me but I love dancing. Dancing makes me feel free, there are no rules, just be as creative as you want. Hanging out with friends, even if its lunch or just a stroll in the park – I was going to say by the beach but we are in Scotland.

How will your life be different in a year?

A change in the woman you see right now. I have big goals that I want to achieve in 2020, so to do that I there are few things that need to change about me and my lifestyle. I want to get married and settle down with a family of my own. I realised that if you want a certain type of lifestyle, you got to make some tough decisions. Decisions that will seem selfish to others, even your family.

Sometimes, being selfish is what you need to be to get things done for you. At the end of the day, it’s your life. I have decided to stop complaining about things that are out of my control, comparing myself to others. Apologising for things that are not my fault and stop negative self-talk. All these things are can and will affect your mental health. If you are like me or can relate, then you will need to start making changes with your mindset.

Goals For 2020

Get a new Apartment

I feel it’s time to find a new home. I have been in my current apartment for 5 years, since 2014. It has been fun, living in a big apartment. But change is good and if I want to move forward in life, I have to make a move.

Driving Lessons

Initially, I had planned to get my theory test done and passed by the end of 2019. However, I only made this decision a few weeks ago. So I think I will leave the whole process to early next year.

Visit the USA – New York

Visiting New York has always been a dream of mine. I think it’s time to make it come true. If only you guys can see the grin on my face as write about New York. I am very excited already.

My Big 30th Birthday

Your girl is hitting the Big number – 30 in May 2020. I am actually very scared of it. I am now a full-grown adult. It means more responsibilities, decision making etc. I don’t have any plans for it yet, but I like surprises, so hopefully,  someone who cares about me might throw a surprise for me.

Mum’s 50th Birthday

Yass Queen. My mum is turning 50 in June 2020. I know it has been easy having me as your daughter but I want you to know that I appreciate everything you have done. I only wish to be as strong as you are.

Back To College 2020

I really want to go back to college and complete the Higher National Diploma level. I know it’s going to be hard but after juggling work and motherhood, I believe I can do it.

Sonia Bakes Cakes 2020

I  will like to spend more time to set up this little business of mine. Baking has been a hobby, but if I make something out of it – why not give it a go? Even if I get only 1 customer, I will be satisfied.

I hope you enjoy reading this post. I am ready. Are you ready for 2020?

20 Comments

  • Rikki Ridgeway

    I have been thinking about what I’m going to do with myself now that my daughter is in school, and I can’t seem to find a job that will allow me the flexibility that I need. So I’ve been thinking about going back to school myself. I need to talk to my husband about it, and if we both decide that it’s a good fit – I”m looking to start school in 2020.

  • Clarice

    This is a good question. I am not really sure if I am ready but taking a pause and do some self-reflection is a great idea.

    Happy to know you got your dream job. Totally agree with you too that there are a lot of things we can be grateful for despite all of these adversaries. 🙂

  • Daphne Takahashi

    Wonderful post! Congratulations for all the beautiful evolution in your life. You seem a really hard working woman so I’m sure you will be able to attain all your goals for 2020! People say that writing down our goals to really visualize them is crucial for actually achieving them so I’ll do it too! Thanks for sharing!

  • Kelly Martin

    It’s great to look back on the year and see everything that you’ve accomplished and how far you’ve come. I’m definitely ready for 2020!

  • Anjali

    Wow what a year you’ve had!! I honestly think you are doing amazing — balancing everything you are while being a single mom is not easy!! I’m rooting for you in 2020 to accomplish all of your goals! 🙂

  • Despite Pain

    You said that sometimes you have to be selfish so that things get done. I don’t think that’s being selfish. I think it’s often self-care. Very often we need to put ourselves first.
    I hope your plans work out for you. Go for them – you can do this.

  • Scott J DeNicola

    It seems as though you have had quite the year and don’t worry about the school thing. It is never too late to go back and finish what you started. Look at where you are now vs. where you were. A remarkable feat for anyone to accomplish. Dance as much as you want and I hope you make it to NY. My city. I’ll tell you all the spots to visit. Keep moving forward.

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