The ‘Yes’ That Destroyed The Life I Once Knew

The ‘Yes’ That Destroyed The Life I Once Knew. Hello everyone, I hope you are well. In this post, I will be sharing a story about the ‘Yes’ That Destroyed The Life I Once Knew. It’s been a while since I shared a storytime, and today I want to open up about an experience that changed the course of my life. Before we begin, I want to issue a trigger warning: This story contains sensitive content related to domestic violence and sexual assault. It’s a difficult topic, but I believe it’s important to share. Through my journey, I found resilience, the power of support, and the strength to reclaim my life. This is one of the most vulnerable pieces I’ve ever written, and I hope it resonates with anyone who has faced similar struggles.

The ‘Yes’ That Destroyed The Life I Once Knew

The Beginning: When Life Was Just Starting

When I turned 21, my life was beginning to bloom. I had moved into my first apartment, was still in college, and was enjoying the freedom of young adulthood. I felt beautiful, independent, and full of dreams.

However, my sweet mother, who always had my best interests at heart, introduced me to a man shortly after my 21st birthday. She had become emotional about my transition into adulthood, believing it was time for me to start thinking about settling down and preparing to start my own family. To her, my 21st birthday was a milestone of responsibility, and she began encouraging me to consider marriage and family. But I wasn’t ready for that—marriage was the last thing on my mind.

At that time, I was embracing an independent lifestyle. Moving out of my parents’ house and into my first apartment felt like living the dream. I was young, free, and still in college, relishing my newfound independence. Because of my beauty, I was pursued by many boys who wanted to date me, which made me feel good. Consequently, everything my mom suggested regarding settling down went in one ear and out the other.

However, my mom eventually caught my attention when she came home with a man and introduced us one day. I made an effort to be respectful and friendly when I met him. He was young and handsome, but he just wasn’t my type. Despite this, my mom was thrilled, and I loved seeing her happy, so I decided to play along. Chris and I started dating immediately, although I felt unsettled. It seemed more like I was being the “good girl,” going along with the flow and pretending to be happy because my mom and the rest of the family were very excited about the news—Sonia had found someone.

The Proposal I Wasn’t Ready For

One day, Chris called to ask me out on a date. For some reason, my mom was very excited and urged me to get dressed. As we went to the bedroom, she dropped a bombshell: Chris was about to propose and wanted to know my response. I replied, “I don’t know.” She suggested, “Maybe just say yes, you know, to make everyone happy.”

I tried to explain that I didn’t have feelings for him, heck, I didn’t even know the man, but she insisted that love would grow the more time I spent with him. My heart sank, and I felt numb. Out of respect for my mother and wanting to be the “good girl,” I agreed.

When Chris and I arrived at a café, he went to place our order at the bar. All I could hear was my mother’s voice telling me to say “yes” to make everyone happy. Eventually, he returned, and we began talking until our drinks arrived. To my shock, he had asked the waitress to put the engagement ring in my glass. As I started to take a sip, he dropped down on one knee, and I immediately stopped drinking. My heart began to race.

I Said No!

Chris proposed, saying, “Sonia, will you be my wife?” I had already made up my mind, and my answer was no. So, I said, “NO!”

However, Chris stayed on his knees, refusing to accept my response. He claimed I was embarrassing him and that people were watching. I reminded him we hardly knew each other, so I didn’t see why I should say yes. He insisted it was because he loved me.

Then, my mum’s voice echoed in my mind, and I found myself saying, “Okay, yes. I will marry you.” As soon as I said it, I wanted to cry and bolt out of the place. On the other hand, Chris was thrilled and immediately called everyone to share the news. The engagement ring was too big for my finger, so we returned to the jeweller to resize it. Everyone was ecstatic for us.

When we got home, my mum had already informed all our relatives back in Africa about the exciting news. Although I wasn’t happy about it, it was nice to see everyone so joyful. Little did they know, this was just the beginning of my nightmare.

Beginning Of The End

So there I was, 21 years old and engaged to a man I barely knew, and everything initially seemed great. We did everything together, and our friends and family were happy for us. But then, everything changed forever. Chris began to exhibit troubling behaviour; he became jealous and started to control who I could talk to and the clothes I was wearing. At first, I thought it was flattering, but I soon realised he was serious when he became increasingly controlling. He would take my phone away, demand my passwords for Social media and email accounts, and often leave the house with the keys, not returning until late at night with my phone in his possession.

Sexual Assault and The Loss of Control

His behaviour confused me, and I didn’t understand why he acted this way. Whenever I confronted him about it, he would shout at me and tell me to mind my own business. I began to feel scared and isolated, unable to reach out to anyone for help because Chris monitored everything I did. Sometimes, when my mom called, he would be right next to me, listening to our conversations and telling me what to say. She sounded so happy, believing that I was happy too.

Eventually, the situation became unbearable, and I felt as though I was in prison in my own home. I no longer wanted him to sleep with me, but he would threaten me, saying, “I am your husband. It’s my right to take it whenever I want.” At that point, I felt numb and powerless over my own body. I occasionally considered calling the police, but he convinced me that they wouldn’t help me because he was in the process of joining the Army.

Depression Leads To Suicide Attempt

I have never felt so depressed that I wanted to kill myself before. I felt the only way out was to die and rest peacefully. My parents couldn’t help out because they were celebrating, I had lost contact with friends, and even the Police could not save me either. I threw a bottle against the wall and told my so-called prince charming I wanted to die. To my surprise, he offered to help me by spreading the broken bottle pieces and telling me to lie down there.

My whole body was hurting and weak. Sometimes, after being sexually assaulted, I would try to get up and have a shower. The upper part of my legs was sore, and my vagina was aching and bleeding. I would spend a few hours in the shower, pretending I was having a perfect storm, just because I didn’t want to come out. Then soon after, he started following me to the toilet and watched me pee or poop. And all this time, he was calling me his wife, telling me he loves me so much and doesn’t want anybody to take me away from me – that was why he was doing it.

A Glimpse of Freedom

Eventually, Chris was finally allowed to attend training camp with the Army. I felt a sense of relief, as this was my way out of the ordeal. Before he left, he apologised for everything he had done and asked for my forgiveness. At that moment, I just wanted him to go and never return, so I told him I forgave him.

As soon as he left, I went straight to my parents’ house. They were upset with me for not being in touch. I sat them down and explained everything. My mother had a hard time believing me; she asked questions that seemed to imply it was my fault. She said things like, “You could have run away, called the police, called us, or done something.” It was confusing because one minute she was expressing anger towards him and saying she wished him dead, and the next she was questioning why I hadn’t taken action.

It’s difficult to think clearly when you’re in a relationship filled with anger, control, and jealousy. You want to escape, but he convinces you that even the police can’t save you. What would you do in that situation, especially when everyone else believes he is the perfect “Prince Charming”? The sad part is that I contributed to this image by pretending to be happy and speaking positively about him, while behind closed doors, he was a “monster.”

The Final Goodbye

Chris called, and my mom was arguing with him on the phone. He pretended not to know what I was talking about and completely denied everything. When my mom introduced me to him and arranged the engagement, she apologised for the situation. I was hurt, and I blamed her for everything that had happened. If only she had listened to me when I told her that I wasn’t ready to get married, either to him or anyone else; none of this would have happened.

Later, when I got home, Chris called. He tried to talk to me and apologised, saying he didn’t know what had overcome him or why he had treated me that way. I told him it was okay, but I asked him to stay away from me. I blocked him on all social media and deleted his contacts from my phone. He wanted me to send his clothes to camp, and I did that along with the engagement ring.

Healing and Moving Forward

My relationship with my mum was not in a good place until recently. We are still working on it, especially since so much has happened since that ordeal, but I believe our bond is getting stronger each year. I have forgiven her, Chris, and myself. Even though this was eight years ago, it has left me scarred for life. I try to move on with my life, and I think I have done a good job at it, but this experience is part of why my dating life has not been strong.

Sometimes I still have nightmares about it, especially when I get into a relationship. I reach a point where I feel like my partner is trying to control me, and I will do or say anything to sabotage the relationship because I don’t want history to repeat itself.

So yes, I have changed. This ordeal has ruined my friendships. No one was willing to understand what happened, which led to me losing friends and a sense of myself. I became terrified of everyone. However, I had to push through because I got my first job right after Chris left, so there was no time to cry or heal. I just had to get up and continue with life and my new job. I suppose that helped me by keeping my mind off it.

My Advice To Anyone Going Through This

One Word. RUN.

You can’t fix an abuser. You can’t love them enough to change them. The longer you stay, the more they think their behaviour is acceptable. If you’re reading this and you’re in a similar situation, please know this:

• You deserve better.
• You are not alone.
• There is help out there.

And if you need to break a window or a door to get out, do it. Just get out. And don’t look back.

Contacting a domestic violence defence attorney is also advisable for some extra support to gain your freedom and life back.

I’ve written over 2,000 words today, and I don’t regret a single one. This was part of my healing journey—finally restating this chapter. I’m turning 30 soon, and I want to create space in my life for joy, peace, and genuine love.

Letting Go and Creating Space For Joy

This post is my way of letting go. I’m releasing the pain and the past to make room for the happiness I know I deserve. I’ve written over 2,000 words here, and I hope you find it both enjoyable and informative. I felt compelled to share my journey because I want to move on from my past. As I approach my 30th birthday, I realise I have spent the last nine years silently enduring pain. My goal now is to be happy and live life to the fullest. I want to meet a man who loves me for who I am, and I understand that this can only happen if I create space for it in my life. This post symbolises my effort to let go and embrace new possibilities.

Talk soon.